I have a disease, and the only prescription is more tumblr.


Harry Plopper: What's that super sad pearl harbor movie

Me: Pearl harbor

Harry Plopper: It's not saving private ryan

Me: No that was normandy

Harry Plopper: Yeah right. Well is that one sad

Me: Kinda...it was about war...people died...so I guess

Harry Plopper: K good

Harry Plopper’s account of every episode of Arrested Development


"blondie wants sex, bald man doesn’t want it

cera boy likes cousin

main guy want dad to go to jail

mom’s scaring buster

and magic man turns into a chicken”

I’m giving notice at work today and these things are stressing me out:

1: I didn’t get enough sleep last night

2: My boss is going to hate it/try to convince me to stay/get all vindictive on me.

3: I don’t have a clue when or where i will get another job.

But on the bright side, my credit card limit was increased $1500 this morning


i don’t care how old i was i should’ve got my own name right


i don’t care how old i was i should’ve got my own name right

"I’ll be fine" I said, "There’s a whole cupboard full of food." I said.

this is how i die. alone in my apartment. too lazy and hot to turn on the stove.


I told my 13 year old sister I’m gay today.
Her response: “Yeah, I know it’s kind of obvious. I don’t care, be with who you want to be with. As long as I can go to Taco Bell with you and your lady friend.”

I cried



  1. Obtain a significant other from a country that doesn’t sell Toaster Strudel
  2. Marry them and start a family
  3. Offer to make your fam breakfast every morning
  4. Make them strudel with no icing
  5. They’ll have no idea Toaster Strudel even come with icing
  6. Take all six packets for yourself
  7. Avoid making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror for the rest of your life because you are a monster